Leading between the Lines
I have stopped telling people what I do as a job.
When I first disclose that I am a psychotherapist they often joke, ‘are you analysing me now?’ I normally respond with a socially acceptable smile and then, ironically, find myself analysing the joke that they have cracked.
I stand there wondering whether it was just a joke, or whether it revealed a lot more. Perhaps unconsciously this person is anxious that somehow the ‘secrets of their heart’ would be revealed to this person they have just met. Perhaps something is currently happening in their life for them to be anxious about. I then find myself wondering whether I should reveal something that puts them at ease, and choose to disclose something unrelated to psychotherapy that shifts or challenges their initial anxieties about me as a mystical mind-reader. I find myself reading between the lines of our conversation and intentionally leading it in a different direction that hopefully takes them away from their initial nervousness.
What does it mean to 'lead between the lines?'
Psychoanalysis was a clinical approach developed by neurologist Sigmund Freud for understanding how to work with unbearable feelings that are pushed into ‘the unconscious’ that left unacknowledged can manifest in problematic symptoms. As leaders in the workplace we too need to be able to interpret and anticipate what people feel under the surface. When people don’t express their true feelings, it can manifest in all kinds of symptoms that include lack of productivity, disengagement, passive aggression or toxic behaviour such as gossip. Many organisations realise they need to ‘tune into their employees’ and through employee engagement surveys and data analytics they can broadly understand the explicit feelings of a workforce. But how do leaders learn to better read between the lines, tune in to implicit communications and lead insightfully?
Become a listening leader. Adopt a listening posture towards people you lead or work alongside. Unconscious feelings are elusive, and you need to adopt a mindset that is attentive to the explicit and implicit communications of others.
Be openly curious. Look beyond people’s behaviour at face value rather than primarily tuning into explicit communications. This can lead to a vicious cycle of you responding to a superficial communication that distracts from an underlying feeling the person has. Develop an ongoing curiosity about 'what else is being said?'. Develop curiosity about people’s internal worlds and their mental and emotional states. Try and infer what people’s behaviours might mean and what their actions say about their mental state or emotions. Ask yourself: Why did they say that? What might that comment have meant?
Observe people’s body language. Non-verbal body language can often provide you with useful information about what a person might be feeling. Pay attention to somebody’s micro expressions; notice their slight frowns as somebody else is speaking; catch a slight grimace when they provided with feedback; discover an inattentive glazed expression in their eyes when an item comes up on the meeting agenda. It is important to look out for uncharacteristic body language that might signify a change in their mood or feeling. Become sensitive to subtle changes in behaviour, especially during those moments when they are inactive and have taken their 'game face' off.
Listen out for jokes and slips of the tongue. In ‘Jokes and their relation to the unconscious (1905) Freud insightfully observes that often joking about something is a way for people to express something that is difficult to say. For this reason, jokes can be a useful way to understand how somebody actually feels. Freud also talked about ‘Freudian slips’ - that people sometimes ‘mistakenly’ use the wrong words when expressing themselves - words that revealed how they truly felt. People’s jokes and use of language can reveal aspects of how they feel beneath the surface.
Be attentive during informal moments. As leaders it can be hard to find moments to get to know people, especially if your hierarchical structure is less flat. Look for opportunities when people are more ‘open’- informal moments such as at the coffee machine or whilst travelling to a meeting. These are moments when you can find out what somebody has done at the weekend, how they currently feel about work or what they are passionate about outside of the workplace. At these times you are able to gather valuable insights in to what drives people, what they like and dislike and you are able to gather valuable insights for engaging with them as a leader.
Observe people’s meeting etiquette. The structure of a formal meeting provides a boundary line where behaviours can be sharply contrasted against the formality of the setting with its pre arranged meeting times, agendas, roles and responsibilities. During meetings, reflect on what somebody’s lateness might mean; observe where they sit in relation to others; note when they choose to cancel meetings. These phenomena can all provide useful insights in to how someone really feels and where they stand.
Develop a running hypotheses and test it out. Having observed people’s behaviours and been attentive to their implicit communications, develop a hypothesis about how they might be feeling. This is a hypothesis that you might be able to tentatively test out with somebody who is better positioned to understand that person.
Lead between the lines. Where possible choose leadership behaviours that address the underlying feelings or lead people to a place where those difficult feelings are alleviated. If something is more difficult to hear, simply anticipate their feelings and make the relevant adjustments or put the support in place that will meet their needs. If a conversation is more appropriate create a forum in which you can ask tentative questions to help them express their underlying feelings.
E.g. The employee upset by a departmental restructure
There have been some internal changes in the organisation over the last month that have been met with little internal resistance. One of your employees impacted is John, whose project focus has shifted with the changes. Every Monday morning you have team meetings and you notice that John has been a few minutes late on the last few occasions. This strikes you as uncharacteristic behaviour considering that he is an unusually punctual person and the meeting room is next door to his workspace (see point 2). As he sits down he apologises and lightheartedly jokes that (see point 4) 'there have been so many changes in the organisation recently, he didn’t know if the Monday meeting had been moved as well!'. Everyone in the room laughs and the meeting continues. John engages well and presents a project update but you notice that he appears tuned out and distant in the conversation when he has finished contributing (point 3). During a brief conversation at the coffee machine later on you asked what they did at the weekend and you notice them lighting up. You realise that you haven’t seen John express himself in that way over the past month. When you ponder and think about this colleague – his lateness, his jokes and his emotional presentation you develop a hypothesis that perhaps he is upset about the restructure, but is finding it difficult to express. (point 7) During your next one to one meeting, you decide to ask them how they have found the restructure (point 8). John says it is fine but says this in an expressionless and incongruent way (point 3). You mention that you wondered whether it had been difficult. John then discloses that he has found the lack of consultation with people’s roles changing a bit disconcerting. You thank him for sharing how he feels and wonder if you could schedule a meeting to discuss his opinions on the changes to potentially integrate them in to the changes. John says he would find that very useful and leaves the meeting feeling happy and engaged.
